Falling In Love With Your Bad Self ❤️

Listen, people. I’m not going to go ahead and tell you I’m totally loving myself and perfectly confident and my life is perfect, because that’s not really the case. I still have so many insecurities and, many times, I’m uncertain about a lot of things. But, I’d say probably a couple of weeks ago, I had one of those epiphany-type things and was like, “Whelp, I’m ready to love myself because I’m really sick of feeling like shit all the time.”

I was diagnosed with PCOS last year and, one year before that, I started to show all of those annoying symptoms. I gained weight. My hormones went all out-of-whack. The hairs under my chin started showing themselves a little more than usual. And, before you knew it, I’d stopped caring about myself (which was something I seriously, seriously did back in 2012 and 2013, when I had just turned 21). I actually loved myself, like, SO MUCH, despite going through a bunch of crap with my ex at the time, who took pride in putting me down and making me feel bad.

After a lot of thinking time, reading some self-help books and indulging in numerous self-love blogs , I recently decided that it’s time to stop “waiting on my weight” (and all the other crap that’s been putting me down) and take control of my feelings.

I can’t give you a step-by-step guide to falling in love with yourself, but I can tell you some of things I’ve felt over the past few days. The easiest way to love your life is by loving yourself first. And so, in honor of International Women’s Day, I want to tell you why you should love the beautiful, amazing woman that you are!

I look no different than I did two weeks ago, but I am starting to see someone entirely different in the mirror. My clothes seem to fit me better. That little extra belly fat and thigh curvature doesn’t bother me as much. And, God, when I put on makeup, I feel like the cat’s meow. I find myself smiling more, which is always a better look. Walking around my house in my underwear doesn’t feel as shameful as it did back in January. There’s a constant upbeat tune playing inside my head. Not a show tunes type of song; it’s more like an invigorating tune that constantly awakens my senses. Approaching Brian at home feels more comfortable and approaching people when I’m out doesn’t seem as scary as it used to.

Sexy really doesn’t have to do with how you look. It’s all about your confidence, baby, and people will see it if YOU see it. Sexy is a sensation, and seducing yourself and the world around you will reward you tenfold. It’s okay to be confident in yourself and it’s okay to focus solely on yourself for a while, with no distractions and no other motives. That’s my goal; I’m learning to trust my inner leader, and I’m trying to take my life by the reigns and steer it in the right direction.

A photo posted by holly anne silva🌺 (@floggingholly) on

It’s so easy to just forget who you are and who you want to be because of life’s many demands, which seem to become more and more dominant as we grow older (God, these mid-20 years are a killer sometimes), but you can’t forget about yourself. I did, for a long time. Cater to yourself. Take some time out of your hectic day to pleasure yourself. Stop censoring yourself and treat yourself right, because you are wonderful and you fucking deserve it. Be kind to yourself, and good things in your life will follow. I can promise you that!

Don’t lose yourself. Love yourself. 

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